Being a grown-up feels like…
1. No longer spending large portions of my days or nights berating myself for my perceived fuck-ups.
2. Generally perceiving fewer and fewer fuck-ups, in my life and the rest of the world. Being more loving and understanding in my self-analysis and my world view in general.
3. More often asking myself ‘Gab, what’s really going on here?’ if I’m freaking out a tad, as opposed to my previous default along the lines of ‘Get your shit together already!!’ As it says in the Pope’s favourite book ‘Love is patient, love is kind.’
4. Feeling genuinely loving and supportive of myself. Regularly. Often accompanied by literally winking at myself in the mirror and giving myself a compliment. Out loud.
5. Owning my own shit. Short circuiting any lingering compulsions to tear other people down, refusing to blame them for any of the maelstroms of discontent that I create in my head, and resolutely not buying into the delusion that any person or people out there can thwart my good or block my access to love. Like a boss.
6. Even when it stings like a paper-cut on steroids being rubbed in lemon juice, feeling inherently grateful for when my shit is stirred, and having the mind and life altering experience of being able to play it differently, more lovingly, this time around.
7. Listening to myself. In so many ways. Listening to my personalised shots of inspiration and awe with my entire being, and being willing to follow my innate and infallible inner ‘Yes’. And, in a completely different context, doggedly listening to the words I am speaking, the thoughts I am thinking, and the things I am writing. Gently, and without derision, pulling myself up when I find incongruent messages. Being willing and able to change them, deliberately, as an ongoing work-in-progress.
8. Being loving towards all that still feels unresolved, unhealed, or hurting in me. Putting more emphasis on that experience of self-love than on battering myself until I ‘work it out’. Knowing that all things remember, heal, and find peace in the presence of love.
9. Knowing that this personal project of the remembering of me is the most important project of my life. Not because I am separate from everyone, rather because I am so intimately connected with every other thing in the universe, that my own expanded, clearer experience of love literally expands the loving experience of the entire universe.
10. Understanding that I cannot fight for peace, I cannot intellectually teach love, and I cannot demonstrate abundance without being abundant. The example I live is important. Knowing that my entire life, every single moment, every interaction, every decision is seen and felt by the world. What I am demonstrating matters. Even if no one sees it. Seeing is bigger than physical sight. I am always in front of the room. No matter how small or flawed I am feeling, even my treatment of my illusory small and flawed self is observed and can lead to more complete experiences of love.
11. Remembering it’s not as serious as we pretend it is. I AM actually invincible, and being a grown-up (Or even a legit ‘deadhead’!) is just another round of the game. Oh, and being sure that there are no rules about what times of the day certain foods have to be eaten, or what I should be doing with my life. Not a single legitimate rule. Huzzah!
*DISCLAIMER – I’m not always a grown-up… But sometimes I am, increasingly so, and I gotta say, it’s a sweet gig!*