Free

My life is the easiest it’s ever been.

The moments of painful drama are at lifetime lows. (And not really even all that painful.)

There is not a single thing I desire that truly pains me to want it. (Oh lordy what a marvelous statement to be able to make.)

In fact, the only thing I can think of that I would really like right now that I don’t have is regular servings of delicious sex. But even that wanting isn’t frustrating. If anything, it’s amusing.

Is this a gloat? A glossed over version of life to impress social media denizens? Nah. It’s just an entry in this public journal. A marker of a point in time. A slice of space between myself and my story that lets me sweetly appreciate it more.

For the last 4 months, I’ve averaged a new abode every 1-2 weeks. This will likely be the case for at least another 8 months. (I’ve booked in 4 months of overseas travel since I last wrote.) And, for the first time in my life, it’s not a funky extended transition time between bases, one in which I’m not so secretly yearning to be geographically established again. Nope. This is not a ‘between time’ – this is a fully in time! I am open to the adventure, open to change in ways and depths that I have never been before.

I am both the most emotionally self-sufficient I’ve ever been, and the most easy in my relationships, the most aware of my global connections. I have few ties that bind and, instead of feeling like I’m free-falling, I’m flying. I could go anywhere, do a thousand different things. I’ve got time, I’ve got space.

I regularly follow thought clues through magical inner lands and arrive, momentarily, at a whole new version of the future. I have arrived at many different versions of the future, and the fluidity of my imaginings delights me. I have no 5 year plan, no 1 year or 10 year plan – just sparks of inspiration that lead me to next steps.

There was a time, a couple of weeks back, when I was manic with travel plans – booking and organising and researching with glee for hours upon hours upon hours. The day before yesterday, my biggest priority for the day (the entire day) was to make a banana cake, just ’cause I felt like it. I dance from macro to micro and I trust the impulse from big to small and small to big more than I ever have before.

Are these things revelations? Breakthroughs? Yes and no. They’re new season understandings and applications of already acquired information… And I feel more free than I ever have.

I don’t really have much else to say. I feel more free than ever before. Free to have more fun, free to be more wild, delightfully free of expectations and obligations.

Free.

 

 

 

 

 

Image source:unsplash-logoDawid Zawiła

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