My Top Three Tips To Get Through The Shit Bits. (AKA – Getting your BAZINGA back!)

OK folks, roll up, roll up! They, those copy-writing marketing guru types, seem to keep telling me that I need to give my audience (i.e. You!) handy take home tips. And that lists and titles with the number of things in the list are the cool thing to do. Here’s my bastardisation of ‘cool’! Oh, and apparently I need to answer your question of ‘What’s in it for me?’ at every move. (By the way, in business school we handily abbreviated that to ‘W.I.I.F.M’. Ahhh, wiifm. Makes me think of the feeling you get when you catch the scent of something slightly dubious… You know… Whiff (of something)… ‘Mmmmm, what on earth is that?!’ Wiifm. Anyways… Geez, they also teach you to stick to your point in business school! Holla to all the other business school drop outs in the house! Awwww yeah!) Soooooo…. Time to let it out… ‘My top three tips to get through the shit bits. A.K.A. Getting your BAZINGA back!’ awesomest list of awesome lists… Time to let it go global!!

Firstly, the shit bits. We all have them. Some of us have them for hours, some for years. The duration of the shit bit is totally under your control and comes back to your foundational life paradigm. Nothing has an inherent emotional meaning other than the meaning that you give it. Nothing is inherently ‘sad’ or ‘happy’, or ‘good’ or ‘bad’, you’re making that bit up. Actually, I lied in the title – There are no ‘shit bits’, there are only shit stories. And you, you my friend, are the chief storyteller of your own stories. The longer you maintain your shit story about what’s showing up in your space, the longer your shit story will stay in the space. Don’t yell anything in an echo chamber that you don’t want to hear yelled back at you. Life is an echo chamber. Every repetition of your shit story, in your head or to the rest of the world, amplifies the story. Which stories do you really want yelled back at you hmmm? Brilliantly, it also works on the other end of the spectrum… Of course, of course! So if you want to have your brilliance and your genius yelled back at you, you know the story you need to start telling!

So yeah, you get how the general concept works. You’re a relatively aware and awake individual – You probably eat organic and/or local, you probably take your green bags with you when you go shopping, you’ve probably at least heard some white chick in tights greet another in the middle of the street with ‘Namaste’ and know enough to know that it’s not actually a pagan hex. You’ve probably been in, or at least seen, a drum circle. Heck, you might have even had a Kahuna massage or a charkra balance. You’ve read or seen at least one of the following – ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. ‘The Secret’ by a whole bunch of peeps in the DVD and Rhonda Byrne as the mastermind behind it all. ‘What the bleep do we know?’ – that mind-trippy movie that made a whole bunch of people go ‘OHHHHH!’. ‘Conversations with God – Volumes 1 to 5,623…’ Jokes. The original set was only a trilogy  by Neale Donald Walsch, ‘You Can Heal Your Life.’ by Louise Hay, the grandmother of modern mind-body-spirit connection teaching. And ‘A Return to Love’ by Marianne Williamson. (All time favourite that last one.) My point is, you’re more switched on and interested than the mainstream ‘norm’. You already know what you ‘should’ be doing to not get into the ‘shit bits’… You get it intellectually, sometimes you just fall out of touch with your knowing.

So consider these next three tips mere reminders, because you, you are brilliant and wise and full to bursting with your own answers when you let yourself be. Sometimes when you’re telling shit stories you get a wee bit stuck, and need a smidge of an outside push to remind you you’ve become a bit static. The ‘shit bits’ are probably never going to completely disappear – we like them for variety! It’s just about reducing the length and severity of your common case of ‘getting the shits’.  (And, obvious admission, I’ve been telling myself  a few shit stories lately. As ever, everything I write is just as much for my own benefit and later reference as it is for anyone else! I have generally great reduced the severity and duration of said shitty bits though- I’m never completely identified with or deathly scared of them anymore, they rarely settle in for more than a night or two – Generally only a few hours. And they’re really easy to forget!) Coming up in just a tic, the three ways I extricate from the trenches of my shit stories…

And no, we’re not going to start with ‘Gratitude’. Everyone starts lists like these with that one, everyone knows that one, we merely fall in and out of our conscious practice of it. But we already know that seeing with gratitude, feeling gratitude, and expressing gratitude is part of the ideal… We cultivate it as much as we can… But, when we’re in our shit, really in our shit, someone coming up to us and blithely saying ‘You need to practice more gratitude.’ rarely helps. Well, I know it’s not that effective for me! Being implored to be more grateful when I’m in a shitty head-space makes me want to retort ‘I would be so fricken grateful if you took a long walk off a short pier right now!’ So yeah, do the gratitude thing when you can – But this list is not about ‘gratitude’. That’d be like writing a bush survival guide and including, as the first instruction ‘Breathe in, breathe out.’ Important thing to do, but we already knew that.

Annnnd, finally, after all that foreplay… Without hardly anymore at all further ado, (You’ve got to admit, that was some pretty substantial foreplay!’) I present ‘My Top Three Tips to Get Through The Shit Bits. A.K.A How to get your BAZING back!’:

1. Zoom in. Zoom out.

I have a general life rule – If the macro ‘Big Picture’ I have of my life is freaking me out or overwhelming me, I zoom in. It also applies in the reverse direction – If the ‘everydayness’ and the ‘small things’ in life are driving me completely berko, I zoom out. Everything is about perspective and, if you’re in your shit, you’ve lost yours. If you’re stuck in tiny town, you need to get at least global, if not cosmic,again. Job applications, paying next weeks’ bills, organising day-to-day schedules are all tiny town things. I’m not saying they’re not important things to deal with- Just that if you’re starting to lose your tiny plot, you need to zoom out again. When the everyday minutiae of life are consuming you,  you need to zoom out. You need to see yourself as a tiny drop of the ocean again. You need to zoom out even further still until you can see yourself, your physical, ‘normal life’ self, as part of the radiance that glows from this planet. You are a small and perfect part of the everything… And you are the everything. If you zoom consciously and expansively enough, your ‘shit bits’ and your fear will just easily and perfectly cease to be an important part of the picture. In tiny town, these small things are the picture.. It’s only as you zoom out that you are reminded that your small things are barely half a square of half  dot… Not even that!

If it’s the contemplation of the vast expanses of the universe that you’re making up shit stories about, just get smaller. If you’re feeling like your voice means nothing and you’re just some pointless ‘speck of dust inside a giant’s eye’, making a painful drama about your perceived insignificance – Zoom in. You have direct and immediate impact on the physical world and relationships and emotional landscapes around you. Get really focused on that home handy (wo)man job for while. Pour your being into this perfectly limited human intellect and just delight in the small things. Yes, you could get to thinking that your life is rather insignificant when you zoom way, way, way out… But, to that person in front of you, you are the most significant person in their life right now. Zoom in. Memorise the unique pattern and colour in the iris of the person standing right in front of you. Wash the dog, read a book, find three Chinese recipes to cook. Whatever it is, stay small. Cure 101 for existential crisis!

Obviously you have to be selective about whether you choose to zoom in or out… But the writing is on the wall in big, bold hues in every single ‘shit bit’ if you care to glance up. It will say, clearly and definitively, one of two things – ‘Zoom in.’ or ‘Zoom out.’ Zoom, zoom, zoom, hey zoom zoom zoom zoom!

Yeah, exactly like that! And you get buff too! Bonus! 😀

2. Get your old lady/man story-telling freak on!

So, the second thing I use, when the zoom in/zoom out thing just isn’t quite working its magic, or isn’t working it strongly or quickly enough, and I’m still feeling decidedly stuck in my shit, is… Pretending I’m telling the story of right now to my grandchildren. (Or, if you don’t intend to have grandchildren, any random teenager who happens to wander past your rocking chair when you happen to have your false teeth in and can talk properly!) Thinking about this day, this freak-out, this momentary ‘How the fuck am I going to get through this?!’ business in the scheme of 90-100 years of life is really just a variation on point 1… Just with an easier creative structure to follow if you’re all out of ideas! Yes, it’s part of the same approach, but it can be profoundly different. Imagine telling your story when you’re nearing the very end of your human existence. Imagine, right now, (Yes, with full creative license.) how this day, this season, will feature in your bigger life story. Are you really going to be talking about that time you were worried about that one bill back in late 2013? Most likely not, unless it was the beginning of one of the most amazing adventures of your life! And, if it was, BLESS THAT BILL! Hallelujah! Imagine telling wild and wonderful stories to your grandchildren… Then live up to the stories you are creating.

Make up new meanings for old events if the old ones no longer serve you. Even on your deathbed, you will be the chief storyteller – Right now you are creating the stories you are going to tell. Use poetic license. When I’m in this storytelling mode, even the ‘direness’ of a current situation because a thing that makes the story more exciting!

‘So, I was in this new place. I had no car, no place to call my own, no job… I was $12,000 in debt and my cash was just about gone…’

‘Ohhh Gee-gee!’ they will say ‘What happened next? What happened next?!’

‘Oh my darlings, little did I know, I was just days away from the most brilliant, creative, abundant explosion of my life!! Have I told you lately that things can change fast? Holy toledo Batman, can they change fast! And they did! Bam, bam, bam! Everything just fell perfectly into place! Better than I could have even imagined!’ 

And so on and so forth until you can look at your ‘shit bits’ with glee because you know they just make the stories juicier!

N.B. You’ll notice I wasn’t specific when I was recounting my story – I didn’t say I got a particular job, or moved into specifically this or that house – Don’t get attached to specifics – You’ve still got to leave the way open, it’s the feeling of the story that counts. Start telling your stories like this and your BAZINGA will start creeping back! 😉

This old lady looks like she has some awesome stories to tell! And she does! Click here to get a glimpse!

3. Move. Eat good food.

‘Nothing has any meaning but the meaning that we give it.’ is just another way of saying ‘All of the shit bits are in our heads!’ Get out of your head and you will start shining again. A solid walk solves and/or calms sooo many things. (Sans mobile phone or any other electronic device.) Move. Eat good food – The best you can find. Your body and your mind are a unified, cohesive whole… If you let them be… Moving and eating good food and really, really important in moving through the shit bits. It’s SO much easier to feel good in your head and heart when you feel good in your physical body! Every good, healthy, nutritious, top quality thing you put into your body is an act of confirming and building your connection to your own self-worth. People who have high self-worth actually get to enjoying the incredible adventure that this human lifetime is! Move. Eat good food.

Voila! My top three! I told you it was an awesome list! The actually work best if you use them all at once – Chuck ’em all in a smoothie, throw a banana, some mango, and a ‘superfood’ of your choice in there, then slurp that sucker through your lips with the sweetest smile… Ahhhh, life is tasty good and delicious again! BAZINGA! 😀