This too shall pass… And this… And this… And this…

Sometimes I fall into the trap of believing that, to be inspiring, to be authentic, to be a channel for big things, I have to say everything with sparkling conviction and great cries of “Freedom!”. Sometimes I forget that ‘big’ things can have small and simple voices.

Sometimes I section-off my creativity, letting only the ‘exciting’ be seen, keeping what feels lack lustre and incomplete in the dark…But I have run out of ‘dark’ to hide it in… so here is the ‘other’ brought into the seen.

Sometimes I hold myself up to standards and ideals, word counts and outputs that I fill arbitrarily… And it leaves me wanting… Sometimes I invest hours into words and ideas and works and turn around to find I have run away with my ego and there is no heart in them at all…

Sometimes I second-guess the originality of what I do and I almost stop doing it because there are people out there who have already said it, have already done it and have waaaayyy bigger marketing budgets than I… Until I read what they are saying, I look at what they do and the persistent, incorrigible voice in me whispers ‘These people are not you and they will never be. You are the only one who can say or do what you do. Oh, and quit that BS about marketing budget- stay focused, create well, you are a creator, do what is yours to do. Do what is yours to do with all your presence and eloquence and mind-blowing creativity and KEEP DOING IT and miraculous opportunities will fly your way. Do what is yours to do. That is all and everything you need to do.

Sometimes I feel like the miraculous has abandoned me… until I realise I have abandoned it and am accidentally focusing on everything I don’t have rather than the abundance I reside in. Sometimes I try to scare myself into loud, passionate displays of gratitude… until I remember that quiet, small gratitude is enough too…

Sometimes I fear my audience will get bored of me and walk away… And then I remember I did not start this to entertain audiences. I started these adventures because they called me to them and planted themselves in me and offer me eternal sustenance. I will travel these paths, create these things, articulate this message for an audience of one or one billion…

Sometimes I stumble across a stunning truth, sometimes I do not… Sometimes I’ve got everything, sometimes I do not…

This too shall pass… And this and this and this…